just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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