If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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