i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
accomplished twins. life is a go
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
