My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
