You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
