come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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