new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
