Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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