A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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