You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
