how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
