There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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