Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
