Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
