This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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