just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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