Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
