All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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