Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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