some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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