so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
