just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
