On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
