Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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