Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
