he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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