Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
