is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
