At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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