You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
