fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
