hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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