I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
