its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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