Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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