so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
