Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
