my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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