I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
