I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
