He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
