We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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