Already got asked if we're dating
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
