Umm I'm too high to move.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
