Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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