Little spoons don't ask big questions
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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