I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
