I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
