Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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