Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
