I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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