Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
