He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
