i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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