And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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