paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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