You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
