Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
