I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
