You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
