I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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