Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
