How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
