first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
