I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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