just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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