I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
