true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Randomize
