just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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