wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
