What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
