She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
