I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You can't special order awesome
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
