i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
