it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
