I think im going to throw up on grandma
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
