I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
